Dear Brother Cahoon,
We recently became friends with a family that moved into our apartment building. They are members of our ward and have been having some challenges. We recently found out that the husband is abusive and we have reported him to the authorities on a couple of occasions when there has been evidence of physical abuse. He knows we have done this and has confronted my wife while I was not home. He has since blamed us for his inactivity. While all of this was happening I was called to be the elders quorum president and feel the need to help this man overcome his challenges. I am praying everyday to be able to love him so that I might help him. How can I help him see the error of his ways and take responsibility for his actions? How can I show Christlike love to this man who has threatened my wife? How can I help him come back to the Lord and find true peace and happiness.
Russ Kashow
I feel impressed to include counsel from President Hinckley first of all: “If there be any within the sound of my voice who may be guilty of such practice [abuse], I urge you with all of the capacity of which I am capable to stop it, to run from it, to get help, to plead with the Lord for forgiveness and make amends to those whom you have offended. God will not be mocked concerning the abuse of his little ones. My plea-and I wish I were more eloquent in voicing it-is a plea to save the children. Too many of them walk with pain and fear, in loneliness and despair. Children need sunlight. They need happiness. They need love and nurture. They need kindness and refreshment and affection. Every home, regardless of the cost of the house, can provide an environment of love which will be an environment of salvation.” (”Save the Children”, April 1994 General Conference)
You didn’t mention whether it was spouse or child abuse, but it doesn’t matter. This person who is either abusing spouse or children has some serious issues that need to be resolved, and they need to be resolved now.
Doctrine and Covenants Section 121, verses 34-46, offers some of the most profound counsel concerning righteous use of the Priesthood, and I suggest that as you study those verses, inspiration will come to you on how you can deal with this very sensitive situation. The “reproving betimes with sharpness” phrase is oft-times misunderstood. President Hinckley suggested substituting the word “clarity” for the word “sharpness”, and I agree with him. Because of the abuse issue, the Bishop is really the one who needs to deal with this situation, but as the elders quorum president, and neighbor, you most likely will have to interact with this brother, and being very clear in your communications will go a long ways to restoring the trust between you and your neighbor.
Know this that you are not to blame for this brother’s inactivity. That is his choice and his choice alone. The fact that he has confronted your wife as well is evidence that he needs professional help, possibly beyond what the bishop can offer.
You are doing one thing that can assist you in forgiving him, and that is praying. Make sure you pray for his wife and family as well since they are part of your stewardship. Attending the temple is also very effective in gaining the further light and knowledge you will need. Finally, as Christ served the sinners, you too must serve him, in whatever way you can. This might be the most difficult of all things to do, but it is essential in the healing process. My heart goes out to you as you minister to this brother and his family.
Posted by John in Home Teaching, Ask Brother Cahoon